~Is Writing My Psychiatrist?~

I know what you all are thinking by the title…no, I’m not crazy nor have I gone mad. I needed a catchy title plus it is kind of the topic I want to talk about…just maybe not in those words. 

I’ve had many people in the last 6 months tell me that I need to see a psychiatrist. Especially after everything my ex did and continued to put me through mentally. I used to see a psychiatrist for a while after my best friend died in a car accident back in 2009. It helped, but I began to realize as I got older that I can be my own doctor by overpowering my inner demons. It was so hard and still is at times. I still fall prey to dark thoughts just like any other person battling with the same issue. I also know that not everyone has the capability to fight their inner demons like I have been. As long as they have some sort of outlet to channel those inner feelings towards that doesn’t harm anyone, I think they will learn to cope just fine. 

What I will say is that, no I don’t need to see a doctor again. Instead, I found my “outlet” to channel all those dark feelings towards, and that is writing. I don’t know what it is about writing, but whenever I sit down to write my books or write a blog, I can feel all those bad feelings leaving my body. I am able to control myself at that point and feel so much better. Happier. Writing is more than art. It is a sense of psychiatry in its own version I believe. I think it has something to do with the way the mind works when you write down all your feelings and read them back to yourself. Whatever it is, it’s a wonderful thing. This is another reason why I enjoy keeping up on my blogs every few days. By doing so, it helps keep my mind “sane” and by clearing my head like that I’m also able to focus more on my books, my job, my home life, people in passing, LIFE IN GENERAL. After all the mind is mysterious to mankind and we will never be able to understand it. 

Do I believe I may have some issues in my head? To some extent yes, but I’ve learned to cope with them in a non-harmful way by finding my outlet. Having my outlet to go to and create something worth while from it has me feeling normal…but what exactly is normal in our society? I like to think of myself as “unique”. In my own little way, of course. 

This thought crossed my mind today when I was working and I thought it would make for a perfect topic for my blog today. After all, I did eventually want to address this topic, so why not a better day than today? 

Because writing has become my outlet, I almost feel like a whole new person. The feelings, emotions, the mentality all kept at bay while I look at myself everyday in the mirror and think “wow, who is that anymore? I’m all grown up and have learned to find healthy ways of coping by also pursuing my dreams at the same time”. Who knew that my dream career path would turn out to be my healthy outlet? Life does work in funny ways. 

Some of this is hard to explain, and I’m sure in the future I will revisit this topic again once I’ve found more of the right words to explain it. I actually just figured all this out so it is still new to me having this good outlet, and good feeling about myself. Life is good. My life is good, and I’ve never been happier than I am right now. I’ve never felt as good as I do now sitting here writing this blog. It is safe to say that writing is my sanctuary. Always will be. I will never stop writing. Even if it is just for myself. 

Writing is my form of healing from within. Writing is my Psychiatrist. 



~Through The Darkness~

Why do we feel? Why are we not immune to emotional pain? These are questions I am constantly asking myself, but finding no answers. Finally…why do we love all the wrong people? 

Many say that they are just shining stars leading me to my north star…but where is my north star? Which direction should I be looking in? All I get is the feeling of being lost…these stars have me so lost in this constellation we call life. As I grow more independent and mature, I’m starting to think there is no north star; they are all just myths that we choose to believe in. Instead, there are just plain stars. I’m starting to think I have to become my own north star and shine brighter than any of the other stars, but then there is the influence of these plain stars as they try to take away my light. 

Where do I go, now? My heart was once shattered by a star that I was made to believe was a good star…only to be left stranded in this gigantic galaxy having to navigate my way around. My light doesn’t shine bright enough, yet, to help me see through the darkness; but I force myself through the darkness anyway hoping for a small sign of a brighter light. I find nothing. Where do I go? 

With darkness comes depression. Should I become a victim? I think not, but it is so easy to become one with the darkness…why trust the light? Although, the light helps me see and makes me feel better, I still think about how easy it would be to give into the depression; the darkness. I could be one with the darkness where nobody will find me. Not a living soul. Not a star. How easy it would be to create my own black hole in this galaxy…

Although the strongest of stars keep fighting against the darkness. “I will not let you swallow me up, Darkness!” My own star says. “I will shine so bright that it will put you out of existence!” So, I keep floating in space waiting on my light to shine brighter. 

I am guarded, though. Will I ever be able to share a light with another star again? So many questions, but no answers. I am still not hole, but I am starting to create my own light on my own. These stars don’t lead me anywhere close to my north star, instead all they do is teach me to be my own individual star creating my own light. 

Putting my heart on my sleeve is an evil curse to myself. I am so famous for continually doing so. I have learned to not trust any of these stars in this galaxy we live in, but instead have them earn it. Today’s society has become lazy with that. Instead, boys never grow up because they know they can get what they want without trying. Without truly earning it. Ladies, why do we even need men in our lives when we are constantly being ripped apart and left to live life without them anyway? 

I do not feel anymore. I do not carry my heart on my sleeve anymore. I do not look for my north star whom I am forced to believe doesn’t exist. I am guarded. My walls are never to come down. I am my own light through the darkness

~What to say…~

I finally was able to get back into my work/writing routine again after 2 moths of crazy. It feels nice, but I’m so tired all the time because I’m not used to this routine anymore. I know, give it a few days for my body to adjust again. I will. I’m not complaining though. My life is good and I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way right now. 

What I will complain about is all this rain I’m getting! I’m so afraid it will freeze over night. I on’t know…this winter just has been a crazy wonky winter altogether. 

I probably won’t write a long blog tonight as I don’t have much to say, but I at least wanted to post a blog about something tonight. If that makes sense ha-ha. Part of my writing routine I am trying to do is work up my blog site as well by posting a blog every few days. Even if it is a short blog. Blogging helps clear out any…brain farts, I guess you could call them. WRITERS BLOCKS. Blogging is definitely a good way for me to clear all that. 

So, my older sister came home for the week for my moms birthday. I haven’t seen my older sister in a few years. 3 years?? I don’t know…a long time basically. I didn’t go down to see her. Been busy working and my sales are screaming at me to get another book published. I’m almost done editing my book! I have 2.5 chapters left! I’m getting more and more excited as I get even closer to the end. Then, it is off to a new story. Or in this case, the same story…a sequel. This is my first big book…my other 2 books are more like short stories, so I’m really interested to see how this book/series takes off. Working hard! 

Some days, however, seem to blur into one because I’m so busy. I always get side tracked and confused on which day it is and what time it is. This week especially. I’m just so out of it this week. I had to keep reminding myself that today is Sunday…for some reason I kept thinking it was Monday. I guess I posted my last blog 6 days ago when it only felt like 3 days ago…A day in the life, I tell you. *Shakes head and sighs*

Maybe my next blog will be a short story that I just write off the top of my head. I don’t know…I guess I’ll have to see when that day comes. I’ve been thinking of blogging a short story for a while but never got around to it, so maybe I will do just that in my next blog. 🙂 Hmmmm…so, look out for that if you liked reading my first book I wrote when I posted it in chapters on here. 

I can’t wait until spring and summer so I can take pictures of things I do outside and write about them on here like my garden I want to start this year; new bird decorations I want to hang to attract new bird species; so many new things to talk about! The gloomy, mucky, weather I have now is nothing spectacular..I mean who wants to see a picture of a frozen lake that people are sitting on ice fishing? Not missing much.

For now, I’m going to leave this blog here. I’m finishing up my editing in my book, and I don’t want to keep typing away about nothing LOL! Plus, I’ve got laundry to tend to as well. Yay…! *long dramatic pause* 

Anyway, talk later blog world 🙂 (I know…weird way to end a blog, but every blog can’t end the same way)



Home again on this winter day. As I sit watching the snow fall, and the plows go by at least 3 times an hour, I think to myself “wow, what a crappy day. Definitely a good day to sit home and read”. Who else feels this way when the weather is less than pleasant outside? 

As I don’t have much time to read lately with work and working on my own books, I do find time once in a while to read. A lot of the times it only ends up being for just twenty minutes, but any time I DO get is cherished. I am a book nerd myself. When I was a young child n school, I would get competitive with the other classmates when it came to reading: who could read the fastest or most pages in a given amount of time was always the race among us. I believe that was when I got into reading. After that, the Harry Potter books came out and I became an instant fan. I still am today. Once in a while I’ll even grab a book from my book shelf and start rereading it for the thousandth time ha-ha! I swear, that series will never die with me no matter how old I get. That was really when reading became a huge part in my life. 

As I got older, my reading tastes have changed a little, but reading was a way to “escape reality” for just a little while. Live in someone else’s shoes for a little while. Experience life the way the characters did for a little while. Connecting with characters that share the same thoughts and feelings about a certain issue/situation. That was what started my career path to be an author, because I always aspired to tell a story and make my imaginary life come to life. 

With that being said, everything in life has a chain reaction to it whether it be a positive reaction or a negative reaction. 

As I do miss reading all the time, I have some goals I am trying to set and reach with my career. I would love to be a book reviewer on the side when my writing career takes off. I’ve been part of book clubs and loved it, which is probably something I’ll eventually do again as well. Everything takes time. As a matter of fact, why don’t I make this blog a book club blog where we talk about books? 

So, for now, on the side of my editing, I’m currently reading 3 books at one time. I know, crazy, right? All of you are probably thinking, how can I keep up with every detail of each book? It’s easy, though I can’t multitask to save my own life, but my mind can multitask and manage to make sense of everything as well. Sometimes, I’m blown away by it. Is anyone else like this? 

The books I am reading, are Jodi Picoult’s book “Perfect Match” and Anna Zaires’ book “Twist Me part 1”. The third book I’m reading, I just started a few days ago and haven’t picked it up since, but the author is Danielle Steel. All three seem to be good books. I do have to say, though, the “Twist Me” book by Anna Zaires was a little rough for me to stick with because of the plot and all the characters. I didn’t seem to like any of the characters, I don’t know why. Then, what surprised me, was towards the end of the book (I am 85% of the way through it. Have a few more chapters to go) when she was waiting on the main character guy to come save her, I found myself ROOTING for him! I was like “Oh, my gosh, he HAS to show up!” My anxiety for her was kicking in big time, so yeah, it definitely surprised me there. 

“Perfect Match” by Jodi Picoult is also very good. I am halfway through it right now, but her books take time to get through. Some parts are a little rough and you have to keep reading to get through it. I think that’s the only thing I don’t like about her books, but even then through those parts, you’re mind is going “we have to find out what happens next!” Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite authors, and she always produces really good books. 

I feel like a nerd, too, because I own 2 different libraries. I have a paperback library in my house on a book shelf, and I have an amazon kindle library on my tablet ha-ha! So many choices to choose from, but I always find myself looking for more reads! 

By the way, anyone who is looking for a new read as well, my book I’m working on now will hopefully be available for purchase sometime next week. I am so close to being done with the editing (just a few chapters left!), and my excitement gets stronger with each chapter I finish. It will definitely be a must read for those who enjoy a romance drama. Also, it is my first series I am writing. This book will be part 1 of a series of 3. So, I am very interested to see how well that goes. Along with writing the sequel  to the series, I will also be working on another side project more for teen readers titled “It’s Not Fair”. It will basically be about a young teen who goes through life fighting depression and suicidal thoughts. She finds herself within the wrong crowd of people and life just spirals out of control for her while she continues to rebel against her parents and friends. I can’t say too much about it without spoiling it, plus that’s all the details I have figured out about it so far. I will be working on that project on the side in between blogging and working on the sequel to my series. Talk about confusion…yes, I will definitely need to keep a notebook handy to write down notes for each book to keep myself straight. Busy, busy, busy. 

Also, I am not looking forward to shoveling 5-6 inches of snow later….

Well, I think I am going to leave this blog here for now. I will post another one in a few days. I need to really get some editing done, though. Happy Snow-Day!  


~Another Day In The Life~

Good afternoon WORLD, 

The sun seems to be shining brightly on this mid January day. Very odd for this time of year ESPECIALLY in Central Wisconsin. We currently have no snow on the ground YIPPEE!! It is very cold out as well. Bitter…perfect weather to snuggle up under blankets and read a good book or watch movies. 

How am I spending my day? Editing my book. I’m about half way done, then off to publishing. I am really excited. I can’t wait to fully spend my days at home and write. 

The point of this blog today is to share some insight on being self employed. It is very hard work. I drive for Lyft right now to pay my bills until my writing career takes off, and you have to constantly put in the hours everyday to make anything. Those of you that are all like “it’s a get rich quick thing” you are wrong. I put in anywhere between 40-60 hours a week driving. I’m not shaming my job or the company, I’m simply stating make sure you know what you have to do before you decide if it is something for you. 

Some days, I feel like I’m not making any head way with it or even with my writing. I feel like I’m stuck some days or falling. BUT I mustn’t give up! Because that light at the end of the tunnel is so much greater if I don’t give up. Even though being self employed is hard work, it teaches you dedication and to work for the things you want. Nothing is handed to you. If you want to make something of yourself, you have to put in those hours and keep going through the tough times to make it to the end result. I am not that type of person that just quits everything when the going gets tough because how will I know if I can do it or come out of this rough patch if I quit??

I have to start at the bottom. Building from the bottom up. Rome wasn’t built in a day. 

I’ve come to believe that as long as I get out of bed every day, continue to go to work even if its just a few hours at a time or even if it is a slow day; and continue my path as an author on top of that that things will work out because I’m not giving up. I am constantly trying every day even if some days/weeks are tough. That goes with anything in life not just my job and career. 

Let me back up a second and say that I had been so used to the regular 9-5 grind. With that, the set paychecks every week/bi-weekly. When you decide to do the self employment whether it be a Lyft driver, an author, or even simply starting your own business selling cosmetics, that 9-5 grind goes away, yes, but you have to train yourself on a completely different…budget I should say. The extra money you were so used to having every two weeks from your paychecks goes away which means no more shopping when you want for a while. You also need to set up a new routine to live off of which includes bill paying and grocery shopping. Basically, everything you once knew and were used to goes away. Now, you’re all sitting there going, “Wow, no one tells you this when they advertise.” 

I’m not saying all of this to scare anyone away from doing their own self employed business. In fact, I encourage it! Times may be tough at first with getting used to a whole new life, and you may fall a little bit, but keep trudging through those waters and build your business. One day, all the hard times will be behind you, and you will sit there and say, “I can’t believe I made it”. It is worth every mile. Just because you see on TV stating  you can make $2000/week by starting your own business and it doesn’t happen right away, doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. It just means that it needs time to build up and that time takes a while. 

This is what most of our country is too famous for…giving up. This is why I wanted to shed some insight on the self employment business for anyone having trouble out there. I feel no one informs us of these inside facts when we get started so it is a learning process, but most people take it as “the company lied”. The company didn’t necessarily “lie”, it’s just that you didn’t give it enough time to grow and become something. I’ve been there, too. I’ve wanted to quit many times, but these thoughts are what keep me going every day. 

Take it from experience, don’t give up, and continue to do what you have been doing every day. Sometimes you have to work everyday to build that client based business and get yourself out there. 

I am truly amazed at myself and how much I’ve gathered with this industry. I never thought I would grow to be the person I am today that thoroughly thinks through things such as this to find the true meaning and correct way. Even though things are a little tough right now, I’m proud to be in the self employment industry. I know I will come out on top in the end as well as everyone else that doesn’t give up when the going gets tough. Remember, things get tough before they get better. Keep plucking away at your goals and positive results will arise from it. 

I know it has been a while since I posted a blog, and one of my 2018 goals is to produce more blogs more often so please follow me if you would like to see more of my posts 🙂 Also, don’t forget to leave any comments if you have any!


~What has happened?~

I feel lost…or at least that’s how I’ve felt the last 2 months. I don’t know where to begin…

Everyday has been a constant struggle for me to get through…well it was in the beginning. Not so much anymore as I surround myself with positivity and completely consume myself in writing and my job and my house. 

Most of you are probably thinking What is she talking about? What happened? It has taken me this long to accept what is and to come out and tell my story without feeling depressed and saddened. For a while, my writing was failing and I just wanted to give up. I had to find some way to channel my thoughts and feelings and emotions into my passions. 

Almost 2 months ago, my fiance left me for another women. It was actually on the night we sat down and started planning our wedding and he just got up grabbed his stuff and left. The next day he shows back up at my house telling me he left me for someone else. Talk about feeling completely crushed. How do I feel? How do I cope? Why has this happened? Were the questions constantly going through my mind every second of every day. I couldn’t get myself to go to work…I was on the verge of losing everything I worked for. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down at my computer desk and write so much as a paragraph. When I did, thoughts of him would cloud my mind. I cried for days…the feeling of being alone completely took over. 

It wasn’t until my eyes began to open up to the true person he is that he hid from me for 2 years that I started to take a stand in my life and move on. He wanted me to basically drop everything in my life for him and cater to all his attention needs. He began to treat me like the pile of dirt he walked on and expected me to kiss his shoes. He didn’t think I would ever eventually see it, but I did. It took me blocking him from everything to leave me alone. It took many nights of me crying and hurting to fully move on and move past this. I had to constantly remind myself of the person he is. How can people be so sickening and disturbing and think that’s ok to live? How many drugs does it take to truly mess up the thought process and make you become disturbing? 

I started writing again. I’m working again and constantly surrounded by the positive in my life. That is the only way I’ll be able to stay sane and keep my eyes on my goals in life. I have no other words to describe the pain, the hurt, the sickness, every other emotion possibly felt in the book. I was going to marry this guy…so what does that make me? Crazy? Just as disturbing as him? Some days I feel that way even though I know it’s not true. He played me like an old school piano and left me blind to it all. He refused to grow up into a man so instead he’s happy living as a man child the rest of his life going after vulnerable women. The thought makes my skin crawl all over because that is exactly what he did to me. Made me believe every day he was in love with me when he was only in love with what I did for him. 

My life is better now. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 2 weeks. The feelings are starting to go away and subside making me feel even better as each day passes. I’m getting more into my life routines and writing more. I’m being happy just being me and being alone. I had to work on repairing my shattered heart every day…it’s still not fully put back together yet, but the wounds are healing nicely. I never really noticed how much of myself he took from me when he was with me until the day he left me. My book I’m writing now…the girl is just like him. I started putting more emotions into my book without realizing I made the girl to be just like my ex. I am going to finish it and finish the series…just means that there is going to be alot of my own emotions put into this series. It may be hard for me at times to write because of it, but I know I will finish it eventually. Just know, that if you read it when it is done and published, you will feel what I’ve been feeling. I’d rather people experience that through a book instead of real life. 

Anyway, I’m going to leave this blog here. I just wanted to write out a short blog to help my writers block and to get out all of my pent up feelings. Put everything into words basically because it all helps me heal and move on. 



I know I haven’t blogged in a while, so here it is. I’ve been busy working on my third novel called Saving Her: Minnie’s Lust. It is book one of a series of three. It is pretty exciting, dark stuff! 

This blog today is going to be focused more on life lessons I like to keep reminding myself of. Recently, I viewed my reviews on my amazon page and like every author out there, I can’t please everyone. My goal isn’t to please everyone, only the readers that like what I write. So, like every single autho out there, I have “haters”. That’s ok, though, because it doesn’t bother me anymore. Haters are the people that don’t buy the entire book and only assume what it is about and find anything about it to pick out that is negative to try and bring you down or get under your skin. Working as an Uber driver on the side until my writing career fully takes off has taught me alot about ignoring the haters because not every driver is for every rider. Just as in writing, not every author is for every reader out there. So, I laugh at these insults or bad reviews instead because that is the only way to not let it affect you. Instead, be proud of your work no matter what you are doing and stand by it. That is the only way to get through the hard times and truly make something of yourself and that is exactly what I’m trying to achieve. 

I’m not a huge fan of youtube, but there is this one youtuber I follow because one thing he always says sticks out to me especially when it comes to the haters. He always says no matter what yo do, there are always going to be haters out there because they are either jealous that they can’t do something like that or just find enjoyment in bringing people down becuase they can. He also laughs at his haters because of the ridiculous comments. That is the attitude I have and I would like to spread on to others that are trying to write, or become a youtuber, or have some talent they want to pursue. Don’t let anything get in the way or stop you from achieving those goals. It is hard work, trust me, but once you get there it is all worth it. Including the haters. Eventually, I will be at the point where I don’t even pay any attention to the hater comments, and so will all of you. As jacksepticeye would say, “haters will be haters, no matter what you do in life, there will always be haters”. He is exactly right, the key is learning how to overcome it…tough skin!! 

I will always write and I will always be a writer/author. Nothing in this life can change that, and nothing is going to stop me from publishing more and more books. I know where I want to get and I’m going to get there. This is the attitude everyone needs to have instead of being afraid what others are going to say or think. Who wants haters for their readers anyway? I sure don’t! Especially if they aren’t going to read the entire book, then they aren’t worth my time worrying about. Haters in general aren’t worth any time and worrying about.

“Get rid of the negativity and pursue the positive!” – Quote for the day!