~What has happened?~

I feel lost…or at least that’s how I’ve felt the last 2 months. I don’t know where to begin…

Everyday has been a constant struggle for me to get through…well it was in the beginning. Not so much anymore as I surround myself with positivity and completely consume myself in writing and my job and my house. 

Most of you are probably thinking What is she talking about? What happened? It has taken me this long to accept what is and to come out and tell my story without feeling depressed and saddened. For a while, my writing was failing and I just wanted to give up. I had to find some way to channel my thoughts and feelings and emotions into my passions. 

Almost 2 months ago, my fiance left me for another women. It was actually on the night we sat down and started planning our wedding and he just got up grabbed his stuff and left. The next day he shows back up at my house telling me he left me for someone else. Talk about feeling completely crushed. How do I feel? How do I cope? Why has this happened? Were the questions constantly going through my mind every second of every day. I couldn’t get myself to go to work…I was on the verge of losing everything I worked for. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down at my computer desk and write so much as a paragraph. When I did, thoughts of him would cloud my mind. I cried for days…the feeling of being alone completely took over. 

It wasn’t until my eyes began to open up to the true person he is that he hid from me for 2 years that I started to take a stand in my life and move on. He wanted me to basically drop everything in my life for him and cater to all his attention needs. He began to treat me like the pile of dirt he walked on and expected me to kiss his shoes. He didn’t think I would ever eventually see it, but I did. It took me blocking him from everything to leave me alone. It took many nights of me crying and hurting to fully move on and move past this. I had to constantly remind myself of the person he is. How can people be so sickening and disturbing and think that’s ok to live? How many drugs does it take to truly mess up the thought process and make you become disturbing? 

I started writing again. I’m working again and constantly surrounded by the positive in my life. That is the only way I’ll be able to stay sane and keep my eyes on my goals in life. I have no other words to describe the pain, the hurt, the sickness, every other emotion possibly felt in the book. I was going to marry this guy…so what does that make me? Crazy? Just as disturbing as him? Some days I feel that way even though I know it’s not true. He played me like an old school piano and left me blind to it all. He refused to grow up into a man so instead he’s happy living as a man child the rest of his life going after vulnerable women. The thought makes my skin crawl all over because that is exactly what he did to me. Made me believe every day he was in love with me when he was only in love with what I did for him. 

My life is better now. I haven’t spoken to him in almost 2 weeks. The feelings are starting to go away and subside making me feel even better as each day passes. I’m getting more into my life routines and writing more. I’m being happy just being me and being alone. I had to work on repairing my shattered heart every day…it’s still not fully put back together yet, but the wounds are healing nicely. I never really noticed how much of myself he took from me when he was with me until the day he left me. My book I’m writing now…the girl is just like him. I started putting more emotions into my book without realizing I made the girl to be just like my ex. I am going to finish it and finish the series…just means that there is going to be alot of my own emotions put into this series. It may be hard for me at times to write because of it, but I know I will finish it eventually. Just know, that if you read it when it is done and published, you will feel what I’ve been feeling. I’d rather people experience that through a book instead of real life. 

Anyway, I’m going to leave this blog here. I just wanted to write out a short blog to help my writers block and to get out all of my pent up feelings. Put everything into words basically because it all helps me heal and move on. 

 

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~Book Blogging~

Being a first time published author is hard work! But enjoyable and exciting all the same. I love it. I love watching my career start taking off and watching the progress. So…I’m working on my second novel now. About a singer who gets into a really bad car accident that puts her into a coma and her family is around her sharing memories so you get to learn about who she really is…because when she wakes up she doesn’t remember. There are many ugly twists and heart wrenching parts in the book. 

Anyway, those of you that have followed my first book Hopes and Destinies from the beginning, you all know that I didn’t post the last 2 chapters. This is a must read book! A five star review already! So, if you haven’t please buy and read it both ebook and paperback are available! Ebook is available for $3.99 and paperback is available for $5.99. Next week, I have a week promotion on it where ebook sells for $1.99 and paperback is $2.99. If you like what I write, stay tuned for more novels by me. This is just the beginning!! 

 Here is an image of my paperback book! 

A mysterious romance novel about a girl who is living a double life to stay alive. She experiences murder and love all in the same life not knowing that one day both of her lives she is living are about to merge into one. She realizes the man she is so desperately in love with isn’t who he says he is, but neither is she. She starts to learn that sometimes fate gets in the way…maybe her destiny of living a double life. What was once destinies, is now hopes of finding solitude and love again. -About the book-

amazon.com/author/jesspagor  

Read the sample and leave a review. (There’s free sample of my ebook). An author wouldn’t be an author without the readers. Even for a little light reading 🙂

I do have a twitter account now for those that would like to follow me for more updates. You can find me at @jesspagor

The weather here is crappy; rainy and thunderstorms. Lots of wind too!! You would think we had a tornado…. We had a tornado last week. That was pretty scary! We had to hide in our little bathroom…(we don’t have a cellar or a basement). Every sound of the tornado was heard…luckily we were all safe. 

Life has been pretty crazy with advertising and marketing for my books and home stuff. Of course the tornadoes played a huge part in my time lol crazy crazy. 

Here is an image of my ebook of Hopes and Destinies. Everyone has to start their career somewhere and its always at the bottom. It always gets better from here! Tell your friends and anyone else you may think will like my books! My saying is: There’s always an author out there for every person. Just like there’s a hairstylist for every person and a doctor for every person, a mechanic for every car. My books are classified as suspicious romance and dramatic romance. If this is your genre or an interesting genre to you, then these books are right up your alley!! Try the free samples today!! 

~PUBLISHED!~

Hey guys!! I know it has been a while since I wrote on here but things have been busy. First off, if you have been following my novel Hopes and Destinies you know I didn’t post the last few chapters. I DID finish the book and have published a kindle copy and a paperback copy. Below is the link to my author page on amazon so if you loved the book please please please go on there and purchase and find out what happens next! By the way, I am doing a promotion on this novel starting next month so be sure to buy it then!! Right now, it sells for $5.95 on kindle. Starting next month it goes down to $2.99 that’s half price!! Only for the month of June though. Also, if you purchase the kindle version, you can purchase the paperback version for $1.99!! That’s quite the deal because the paperback alone sells for $10. 

amazon.com/author/jesspagor

You all have been such a great inspiration to me because I thrive to write stories for those that love to read them. You all made this possible for me and that just makes my day making your days. This blog is going to be short, but I just wanted to give an update for those that have been wondering. I am now a published author and the happiest I’ve ever been!! You all can expect more from me in the times to come. With that being said, I am working on a new book right now. It’s actually a rewrite on my very first novel I wrote in highschool and never got it published. So I will be posting a link also to my author facebook page. Be sure to like it to follow me for more details and updates on new novels. I will be starting a twitter account soon for my author page as well for those of you that like to follow on twitter. I will post on this blog site when I get that up and going. 

@jpagorauthorpage – on facebook!

Anyway, go check it all out!! 

 

~Ehh…What to say?~

I am lost in thought…What do you say? 

This past week has been rough. I haven’t had much time to write chapter 7 which makes me sad. Tonight when I am done writing this blog I will sit down and write. I have to get it done. 

Let’s take a minute and collect ourselves…catch up on the events of the week…

I quit my job early in the week which left me without a job. Not a very smart thing to do since my boyfriend was left paying the bills (our bills exceed his paycheck). I had no choice but to quit. I was being taken advantage of, my boss wasn’t listening to my schedule requests (I have a family that I barely got to see which led to fights with my boyfriend), but the biggest thing was that since since the shop is losing money they wanted me to go over and beyond…basically do more for less pay. I can’t do that. Nobody can. So I had more time to write since I quit which led me to post 2 chapters a week. GREAT!! I got a new job though so expect the chapters to come once a week sometime. I got a job at an embroidery company. They have better work hours so I am able to see my family and have a set schedule every day. I am very structured and I like my routines. Anything outside my routines I hate. So, I’m nervous but excited to start my job tomorrow. 

Aside from that, my aunt passed away on Friday. It has been a very emotional weekend all around. She was a stubborn fighter, but the virus that hit her this last time was too much for her. She is now with my grandfather and not suffering anymore. I was close with her and this is all tearing me apart…

My boyfriend took me to see Logan Friday night after my aunt passed. Such a good movie and a must see if you are a fan of the wolverine like me! I am so upset, though, that this is the last of the wolverine. It can’t be!! Who’s with me?? Anyway, go see it! We are waiting on the fast and furious movie to come out too. Counting down the days. 

It has been warming up by our house so we are getting ready to go fishing soon. Very soon. Maybe tomorrow? We are anxious to go fishing! Hopefully we catch some big ones this year! Last year was a good season. 

I am going to try and have chapter 7 done by the end of the week for weekend reading material. It is a big chapter meaning a very important chapter so I want everything to be perfect. Therefore, it will take me the rest of the week to finish. Also, now that is coming of fishing season I may write a lot of fishing blogs. We have been watching a lot of fishing videos on youtube, hopefully the techniques work. They usually do! It will definitely be fun to see what all kinds of fish are hiding out on the lake, and to see HOW BIG! I will also be building my garden outside this year, so I may write a few gardening blogs as well. So much material! 

I am going to leave this blog here, though, for today. I have got so much to do with chapter 7. I do ask of you all to keep my family in your thoughts especially my 2 little cousins whom are now without their mother. Thank you so much for reading. Stay tuned for more updates about my novel and the chapters. Have a safe week everyone! 

~Just a little bit of…babble??~

It has been a few days since I posted a blog so I figured I’d write a babble today. Yea, I know it’s no chapter 3 yet…but no worries it is coming! I’m about half way done with chapter 3 to my novel Hopes and Destinies (to all my readers out there no fret! Just hang tight because you won’t regret it!). I’m kind of at a writers block for the moment so I figured..why not write a short blog! It helps me think anyway…kind of clears the block. To all my readers as an update on chapter 3…it is going to be a little longer than the other 2 chapters, and has so much more emotion. Now we are getting into the story 🙂 Ok Ok!! I can’t spoil everything!! My plan is to have it posted in the next couple of days so please be as patient as you can 🙂 something to look forward to though!  

Weather in Wisconsin sucks..alot. I live right by the lake and I am literally counting down the days with my boyfriend til we get to go fishing again. (Hopefully I’m working from home by then and have quit my job. I’m working really hard to get there! Thank you to all my readers 🙂 ). They are calling for 5 more inches of snow in my area tomorrow…boo!!! I hate snow but I live in Wisconsin?? Yea lol. 

Did everyone have a splendid weekend? I hope so. I hope you all were safe as well. My weekend consisted of having the boyfriends kid. We baked cookies YUM!!! Dark chocolate chip and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. I love to bake when I can. My work schedule right now has it hard for me to really do anything. but I survive and we make the best of it while we can. We really did have a lot of fun this past weekend. We are trying to save up for a family vacation trip…maybe to the Dells?? Or maybe we can travel somewhere we’ve never been before…that is what makes life so exciting. Just never know what’s in store or if your able to pack up everything on the drop of a dime and leave town unexpectedly for a few days. I love to travel and hope to get to sometime soon. I also love spending time with my little family 🙂

Writing and getting the chance to share my stories with everyone is something I’ve always been passionate about. With dedication and hard work it pays off :). I love fishing too. Spending a warm sunny day out on the lake is definitely a good way to think and clear your head. I kind of feel like a caged animal right now because I’ve spent all winter inside my house. It gets super cold out by my house plus with all the icy weather its hard to get out and do anything…hence CAN’T WAIT FOR WARMER WEATHER AND FISHING!!! We usually catch anything, but we like to do more of the cat fishing. Just talking about it gets me excited…yes I’m sure you all have noticed from earlier blogs and posting my chapters I am an overly excited person. It’s better than being grumpy all the time right?? 

I’m going to start wrapping this up so I can get back to writing chapter 3 so you guys don’t have to wait a full week to read it. Speaking of chapter 3…there are new characters that appear. I know it’s hard to choose right now but I want you all as you are reading the chapters to my novel to think about your favorite characters. Who do you relate most to? And why? Or who do you guys fall in love with more? Think about it as your reading and comment when you feel like it. I’m very interested to see everyone’s answers down the road!! And the discussions! It is always exciting to see everyone elses point of view because every person is different. 

I’m going to end this now so I can get back to work for a little while longer anyway. Thanks for reading my babbles lol!! And keep a look out for chapter 3 to make its appearance in the next few days!!!! UBER EXCITEMENT!! 

Long time…No see…

Hey bloggers!! It has definitely been a while that’s for sure. I’ve been super busy…Dropped out of school to catch up on bills (I know…bad, bad), starting a youtube page to post all my music I write (I started playing again), and I even started a new novel I am currently writing. It’s nothing much but I thought about posting it on here every chapter I finish. I plan on getting it published hopefully. Basically, been busy trying to find myself and it’s a hard slow process.

I hate my job I’m working. So, I’m hoping that these things I’m working really hard towards pays off in the long run because believe me…I don’t want to spend another minute than I have to at my job. It’s like everything I do nobody notices. I bust my butt every day for what? Just to feel like it’s not worth it? Yea, like that’s a job everyone wants to work every day.

Can’t wait for fishing season though. I love to catch the big fish!! Had my birthday the other day..nothing special just another year older. Got my eyebrow pierced again..the double eyebrow piercing. Nah it didn’t hurt…much haha. 

me
new piercing

Sorry to my readers out there about this post being so short. I just wanted to make sure you guys didn’t forget about me or think something happened to me. I am just about finished with the first chapter in the novel I’m writing called Hopes and Destinies. I will be posting it as soon as it is complete. This was more of a checking in post stating the stuff I’ve been doing. 

Hope you all stay safe out there! 

~Why Do Girls Have To Be So Catty?~

I am an observer of people, things, actions, etc. I am also a girl and I know how girls can be…especially towards one another. As many of you know, I recently started cosmetology school. I am in my 5th week and I LOVE IT! But  I’ve also noticed many things especially with today’s generation of the young females. I am by no means into drama or into being “I’m better than you”. Therefore it completely baffles me when I see or hear of other girls being that way. It’s like, all I want to do is slap them across the face and say “Would it kill you to act your age? Not everything is about you.” 

Now..I know I haven’t blogged in a few weeks so this one may be a little long. Better have your reading goggles on! Haha!! Sorry, had to joke even if it’s lame. Anyway, I need to get this out. I usually don’t talk about people…a lot. But I have to here for a moment. Not going to mention any names….so instead we will call her Jill. Jill McGill. Well, I am in a class of 4 people and we all are roughly around the same ages meaning we are older to middle aged and drama free. We all get along for the most part. Classes have been so fun even on the long 12 hour days…they just go by so fast! Anyway, the class right before us has a lot of the young 17-19 year olds. I remember being that age but geez…these days that age is a crisis! WAY too much drama! and unneeded at that! Well, Jill McGill is in that class and she is the stuck up, nose in the air, thinking she’s Gods gift to creation type. (In my opinion, shes the ugliest tiny girl I’ve ever seen.) She comes prancing into our classroom and literally, I mean LITERALLY, tries to go out of her way to start stuff with one particular classmate in my class by rubbing in his face that he apparently has a crush on her or something, I don’t know. Truth be told, I ignore it, but I just see how mad he gets from it. We could be working on our manikin heads and all of us are quiet tending to our own work and here comes Jill prancing in to wind up everyone. How rude!! Plus, our school is about Be Nice Or Else. How is starting stuff like that following the school code? I want to ask her someday “How do you expect to be a good hair dresser if a) you’re constantly all about yourself and b) starting unneeded drama with everyone?”. I hate girls like that. That makes them so catty! I’m a girl and I’ve always wondered what it is about us that makes some of us so dramatic and catty…I’m 25 and in no way like that! Maybe its the age difference…maybe its the different TV shows on that they watch…?

Jill McGill doesn’t know how to clean. Yep, I said that right. I know, I was completely baffled myself and laughing hysterically to myself at the same time. Who doesn’t know how to do basic cleaning like wiping down counters and sweeping???!! Well, Jill doesn’t. She went on telling us that she has never ever done any sorts of cleaning her entire life. Her mom hires a maid to clean their house therefore she doesn’t have to. Wow, so stuck up! It was actually kind of funny watching Jill try to sweep haha! She would take the broom with the dustpan still attached to the broom and walk behind the broom trying to push everything forward. Uhm, honey, that’s not how you use a floor broom. We would try and show her to stand in front of the broom and sweep towards her bringing the stuff into a nice pile easier to pick up in the end. Nope, she cried. She literally started crying and yelling at everyone saying she doesn’t know how to sweep that nobody taught her when we ALL were standing right there trying to show her. Go ahead, have a laugh. I did..a lot. I don’t know what kind of species these girls are these days, but they aren’t human girls. As some of us would say, must be something in the water. Yes, Carrie Underwood got it right with that song! “There must be something in the water.” paul-mitchell

It’s like stepping into a whole new world the moment I walk through the front doors at school. Because that’s when you hear and see things that are just insane. Another example is about these girls bullying another girl WHILE at school and she actually took it out on our teacher by coming into the classroom all rude like and slamming doors and glaring at the teacher like it was the teacher’s fault. Wow, if looks could kill…All of these girls have a rude awakening ahead. They think that being a hair dresser is all about them and thats the way to make money..WRONG! You have to be all about the service guest even if the service guest is complaining about their day and not asking about you and your stuff. You can’t sit there and throw fits and act like a 2 year old in front of your guest because they ain’t coming back if you do that. You mind as well kiss them goodbye and kiss your paycheck goodbye. You want the guests to keep coming back because they are the sole reason why you have a good decent paycheck. I just want to sit every one of these girls down and explain it to them like this. But I know it won’t do any good because they are more concerned about who’s doing what and where and who they can harass. Ladies…STOP BEING SO CATTY! Maybe one day they will get it, one can only hope. They have to fall first before they see, and people have to allow them to fall. Gotta love girls I guess..