~Part 4: Is Ignorance Really Bliss?~

I sat there and pondered my escape plans. None that seemed to be legit came to mind. I was officially stuck here…forever. Or at least until I died. Oh, how I wished for death in this moment. I know I would be letting everyone back home down, but being with God was definitely a better place for me than being tied up in this dark corner in a random warehouse with him….Randall Atwood.

My mind still couldn’t process that fact. How did we come to this? How did this even happen? I’ve come to the realization that I don’t even remember how I got here…the last thing I remember was being at a party with my friends. It was the end of the school year party that Leah always threw at her parents house. I don’t remember alcohol being involved at her party, but maybe it was. I definitely don’t remember Randall Atwood being there!

I remember I was outside talking to…Conner!! Oh, no! Conner Evans had such a huge crush on me and I’m proud to admit I like him too. He was the star athlete in our high school and I was his personal cheerleader. Our friendship dates back all the way to the day care ages. We grew up together and became best friends. The older we got, the more attracted we were to each other. We were planning a date night together at the party…and that was when everything went black.

Sometimes I passed out from having too low of blood pressure, a medical condition I take pills for. I don’t remember my blood pressure dropping that day…if it was, I would’ve noticed right away due to the dizziness feeling and would’ve taken my pills. I always carried them on me because I never knew when I was going to be in that moment. I was prepared for anything.

So, what happened? Will I always be in a state of not remembering; the not knowing? That thought had chills running down my spine because anything could’ve happened leading up to this moment. Was the joke always going to be on me?

Then, I remembered the food plate that was sitting in front of me untouched. Why would Randall demand me to eat but not untie my hands so I CAN eat? How was I supposed to eat with my hands tied? I pushed the plate away again with my foot. This time it slid farther down the hallway. That was when I heard a door opening and closing. Randall. He must be coming to check on me.

Fierce foot steps that echoed in the dark area grew louder as he approached.

“Why are you not cooperating?” He spat out at me.

“What do you mean?” I stuttered.

“I told you to eat and instead you feel like rebelling against that by pushing away your plate. Do I have to beat the food into you?” He snarled.

“What? No! Randall…I can’t eat with my hands being tied up! It’s impossible! How do you expect me to eat like this?” I explained as the tears ran down my cheeks. I was scared for my life, but I hoped my death would come fast and easy, not be drawn out in agony.

“LIES! All you do is tell lies! Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Randall! Please! You have to know what you are doing to me isn’t normal! Why would I lie to you? LOOK AT ME!! I can’t move!” I cried. I lost all sense of myself in that moment.

Just then, pain hit the side of my face as he slapped me as hard as he could. My head fell back and hit the wall causing pain in the back of my head as well. I couldn’t help but to bawl from the pain; from the fear.

“Should I hit you again for lying to me?” He asked loudly. What was he doing? Why was he doing this to me? So many questions that I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any answers for any time soon. I was going to die not knowing the truth.

“Randall…stop…please!” I bawled not moving my body away from the wall.

“Please what? Why should I show you mercy?”

“Because I’m not lying to you! Why would I lie to you?”

“You once told me I was a nice guy…made me believe you liked me back…until the night I saw you with Conner. You lied to me then! All you are is a selfish liar! I am going to beat that out of you until you come to your senses and obey me. You will not rebel. You will not tell anymore lies. You are mine, Cassandra. The sooner you realize that the better this all will be for you,” Randall explained in that rough voice of his.

“What are you talking about? What did you do? What did you do to me? To Conner? I deserve answers you sick bastard!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn’t care anymore if I was going to be beaten to death. If I wasn’t getting out of here, then I wanted to die. I wanted to die by the hands of my capture; Randall Atwood.

Randall laughed as he started to walk away from me. “You will know in time, Cassandra. Now, is not the time.”

“You can’t do this! You can’t expect me to go along with your plan if you can’t tell me why! Tell me why I’m here! Tell me what you did! RANDALL!!!” I cried out as he continued to walk down the hallway and through another door; or maybe the same door as before I couldn’t tell in the darkness. 

I was alone again. I was alone to sulk as my face started to swell tremendously from the slap. The pain throbbed as I laid my head against the cool wall and cried. I cried until my tears ran dry, then cried some more. 



~Through The Darkness~

Why do we feel? Why are we not immune to emotional pain? These are questions I am constantly asking myself, but finding no answers. Finally…why do we love all the wrong people? 

Many say that they are just shining stars leading me to my north star…but where is my north star? Which direction should I be looking in? All I get is the feeling of being lost…these stars have me so lost in this constellation we call life. As I grow more independent and mature, I’m starting to think there is no north star; they are all just myths that we choose to believe in. Instead, there are just plain stars. I’m starting to think I have to become my own north star and shine brighter than any of the other stars, but then there is the influence of these plain stars as they try to take away my light. 

Where do I go, now? My heart was once shattered by a star that I was made to believe was a good star…only to be left stranded in this gigantic galaxy having to navigate my way around. My light doesn’t shine bright enough, yet, to help me see through the darkness; but I force myself through the darkness anyway hoping for a small sign of a brighter light. I find nothing. Where do I go? 

With darkness comes depression. Should I become a victim? I think not, but it is so easy to become one with the darkness…why trust the light? Although, the light helps me see and makes me feel better, I still think about how easy it would be to give into the depression; the darkness. I could be one with the darkness where nobody will find me. Not a living soul. Not a star. How easy it would be to create my own black hole in this galaxy…

Although the strongest of stars keep fighting against the darkness. “I will not let you swallow me up, Darkness!” My own star says. “I will shine so bright that it will put you out of existence!” So, I keep floating in space waiting on my light to shine brighter. 

I am guarded, though. Will I ever be able to share a light with another star again? So many questions, but no answers. I am still not hole, but I am starting to create my own light on my own. These stars don’t lead me anywhere close to my north star, instead all they do is teach me to be my own individual star creating my own light. 

Putting my heart on my sleeve is an evil curse to myself. I am so famous for continually doing so. I have learned to not trust any of these stars in this galaxy we live in, but instead have them earn it. Today’s society has become lazy with that. Instead, boys never grow up because they know they can get what they want without trying. Without truly earning it. Ladies, why do we even need men in our lives when we are constantly being ripped apart and left to live life without them anyway? 

I do not feel anymore. I do not carry my heart on my sleeve anymore. I do not look for my north star whom I am forced to believe doesn’t exist. I am guarded. My walls are never to come down. I am my own light through the darkness

~Another Day In The Life~

Good afternoon WORLD, 

The sun seems to be shining brightly on this mid January day. Very odd for this time of year ESPECIALLY in Central Wisconsin. We currently have no snow on the ground YIPPEE!! It is very cold out as well. Bitter…perfect weather to snuggle up under blankets and read a good book or watch movies. 

How am I spending my day? Editing my book. I’m about half way done, then off to publishing. I am really excited. I can’t wait to fully spend my days at home and write. 

The point of this blog today is to share some insight on being self employed. It is very hard work. I drive for Lyft right now to pay my bills until my writing career takes off, and you have to constantly put in the hours everyday to make anything. Those of you that are all like “it’s a get rich quick thing” you are wrong. I put in anywhere between 40-60 hours a week driving. I’m not shaming my job or the company, I’m simply stating make sure you know what you have to do before you decide if it is something for you. 

Some days, I feel like I’m not making any head way with it or even with my writing. I feel like I’m stuck some days or falling. BUT I mustn’t give up! Because that light at the end of the tunnel is so much greater if I don’t give up. Even though being self employed is hard work, it teaches you dedication and to work for the things you want. Nothing is handed to you. If you want to make something of yourself, you have to put in those hours and keep going through the tough times to make it to the end result. I am not that type of person that just quits everything when the going gets tough because how will I know if I can do it or come out of this rough patch if I quit??

I have to start at the bottom. Building from the bottom up. Rome wasn’t built in a day. 

I’ve come to believe that as long as I get out of bed every day, continue to go to work even if its just a few hours at a time or even if it is a slow day; and continue my path as an author on top of that that things will work out because I’m not giving up. I am constantly trying every day even if some days/weeks are tough. That goes with anything in life not just my job and career. 

Let me back up a second and say that I had been so used to the regular 9-5 grind. With that, the set paychecks every week/bi-weekly. When you decide to do the self employment whether it be a Lyft driver, an author, or even simply starting your own business selling cosmetics, that 9-5 grind goes away, yes, but you have to train yourself on a completely different…budget I should say. The extra money you were so used to having every two weeks from your paychecks goes away which means no more shopping when you want for a while. You also need to set up a new routine to live off of which includes bill paying and grocery shopping. Basically, everything you once knew and were used to goes away. Now, you’re all sitting there going, “Wow, no one tells you this when they advertise.” 

I’m not saying all of this to scare anyone away from doing their own self employed business. In fact, I encourage it! Times may be tough at first with getting used to a whole new life, and you may fall a little bit, but keep trudging through those waters and build your business. One day, all the hard times will be behind you, and you will sit there and say, “I can’t believe I made it”. It is worth every mile. Just because you see on TV stating  you can make $2000/week by starting your own business and it doesn’t happen right away, doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. It just means that it needs time to build up and that time takes a while. 

This is what most of our country is too famous for…giving up. This is why I wanted to shed some insight on the self employment business for anyone having trouble out there. I feel no one informs us of these inside facts when we get started so it is a learning process, but most people take it as “the company lied”. The company didn’t necessarily “lie”, it’s just that you didn’t give it enough time to grow and become something. I’ve been there, too. I’ve wanted to quit many times, but these thoughts are what keep me going every day. 

Take it from experience, don’t give up, and continue to do what you have been doing every day. Sometimes you have to work everyday to build that client based business and get yourself out there. 

I am truly amazed at myself and how much I’ve gathered with this industry. I never thought I would grow to be the person I am today that thoroughly thinks through things such as this to find the true meaning and correct way. Even though things are a little tough right now, I’m proud to be in the self employment industry. I know I will come out on top in the end as well as everyone else that doesn’t give up when the going gets tough. Remember, things get tough before they get better. Keep plucking away at your goals and positive results will arise from it. 

I know it has been a while since I posted a blog, and one of my 2018 goals is to produce more blogs more often so please follow me if you would like to see more of my posts 🙂 Also, don’t forget to leave any comments if you have any!



I know I haven’t blogged in a while, so here it is. I’ve been busy working on my third novel called Saving Her: Minnie’s Lust. It is book one of a series of three. It is pretty exciting, dark stuff! 

This blog today is going to be focused more on life lessons I like to keep reminding myself of. Recently, I viewed my reviews on my amazon page and like every author out there, I can’t please everyone. My goal isn’t to please everyone, only the readers that like what I write. So, like every single autho out there, I have “haters”. That’s ok, though, because it doesn’t bother me anymore. Haters are the people that don’t buy the entire book and only assume what it is about and find anything about it to pick out that is negative to try and bring you down or get under your skin. Working as an Uber driver on the side until my writing career fully takes off has taught me alot about ignoring the haters because not every driver is for every rider. Just as in writing, not every author is for every reader out there. So, I laugh at these insults or bad reviews instead because that is the only way to not let it affect you. Instead, be proud of your work no matter what you are doing and stand by it. That is the only way to get through the hard times and truly make something of yourself and that is exactly what I’m trying to achieve. 

I’m not a huge fan of youtube, but there is this one youtuber I follow because one thing he always says sticks out to me especially when it comes to the haters. He always says no matter what yo do, there are always going to be haters out there because they are either jealous that they can’t do something like that or just find enjoyment in bringing people down becuase they can. He also laughs at his haters because of the ridiculous comments. That is the attitude I have and I would like to spread on to others that are trying to write, or become a youtuber, or have some talent they want to pursue. Don’t let anything get in the way or stop you from achieving those goals. It is hard work, trust me, but once you get there it is all worth it. Including the haters. Eventually, I will be at the point where I don’t even pay any attention to the hater comments, and so will all of you. As jacksepticeye would say, “haters will be haters, no matter what you do in life, there will always be haters”. He is exactly right, the key is learning how to overcome it…tough skin!! 

I will always write and I will always be a writer/author. Nothing in this life can change that, and nothing is going to stop me from publishing more and more books. I know where I want to get and I’m going to get there. This is the attitude everyone needs to have instead of being afraid what others are going to say or think. Who wants haters for their readers anyway? I sure don’t! Especially if they aren’t going to read the entire book, then they aren’t worth my time worrying about. Haters in general aren’t worth any time and worrying about.

“Get rid of the negativity and pursue the positive!” – Quote for the day!

~Chapter 8!!! Time to wrap it up!~

Finally finished chapter 8!! Some big twists so this is not the chapter to miss!!!  Only a few more chapters left until I publish!! I am starting chapter 9 as we speak. I have all night to write so let’s see how far I get in chapter 9! So enjoy chapter 8 below!! It is a little short..we are getting to the end, readers!! 


I’m sitting on the couch next to him. He has a pad of paper open to a blank page, pen in hand. My head is in my hands as I slowly explain to Jason exactly what happened ten years ago. He is quiet as he takes notes and listens to me cry and tell my story again. I tell him about how my father used to beat my mother, how he killed her, how he went after me next, and how I stabbed him in self-defense. I tell him about how he was supposed to spend life in prison, but he must’ve pulled strings to get out early because he is Chicago’s best defense attorney. I tell him about how my father is after me to kill me, and about why I changed my name. I even tell him about Aunt Bethany and the part she played in my life protecting me. I tell him everything including how he was right; I never intended on falling in love with him. I tried avoiding him at all costs. I never once notice Shayna standing in the doorway listening as tears stream down her face. I hurt her, too, and I feel ashamed of myself for letting all of this go on for so long. I try to get any emotion out of Jason’s expression, but as always, he is so hard to read. He isn’t Jason anymore, he is Deputy Steth.

Jason remains silent as he paraphrases on his note pad everything I’m saying to him. Never once does he look up at me which makes me cry even more. What would life be like with him if I was a normal girl with no problems I was hiding from? Lately, that question has been running through my head like wildfire.

When I am finished talking, he closes his note pad and without looking at me he says, “OK, I will take this into the office tomorrow and start working on a plan of protection with Sheriff Williams. Until then, this is all we can do is stay here for tonight.”

“Do you think Sherriff Williams will help you, Jason?” Shayna asks quietly from the doorway. First time she has spoken throughout this entire confession.

“He has no choice if I make him,” Jason responds in a quiet voice as he stands up from the couch where we are sitting. “I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

He walks slowly into the guest bedroom that is off to the side of the living area we are in, and closes the door softly behind him leaving me and Shayna to stare silently at each other.

“I know I’ve hurt you, too, Shayna. Just know that everything I said to you about being the best worker I’ve ever had was all true. I understand if you don’t believe me right now. I know one day you will.”

“I always believed you, Hope,” Shayna says softly. “What I can’t understand is that if I was your best friend, why didn’t you tell me before now? It just hurts to know that you didn’t even trust me like you should’ve. All the times I was there for you and confided in you about things I’ve never told anyone…you couldn’t even do the same for me. If anyone should be sorry, it should be me for allowing myself to trust you like that.”

“Shayna…” More tears are rolling down my face.

“It’s done, Hope. Whatever comes of this will be. I’ve always had your back…even now. I just feel like the fool for doing so.”

“You will always be my best friend,” I choke out as she turns away from me, and walks away; wiping tears from her eyes as she does so.

I am alone. Not in the sense of physically being alone in the room, but alone in the sense of knowing I’m by myself in this situation. I always have been. I can’t count on anyone being there and understanding what I’m going through; what I’ve been going through for the last ten years of my life. It’s always down to me, myself, and I. This is why Aunt Bethany didn’t want me getting too close to anyone. I now understand the meaning behind her protection and her words of trying to keep me away from everyone. Aunt Bethany

My mind wanders to Aunt Bethany. I know I should go visit her again to see how she is doing. I know she isn’t getting any better, and she won’t, but she needs to hear me say I was wrong before she decides to leave this earth and leave me alone. She is, and was, the only person that was ever there for me; the only person that kept me from feeling alone in this world.

Immediately, I scramble with all my belongings, and run out of the house…again. This time without anyone realizing I’m running. I pull my phone out of my pocket and call for a cab because my car is locked up in the garage of Jason’s house. I’m too frazzled to go back now and try to get it out, especially if I don’t want them knowing I’m running again.

The cab takes me all the way to UW-Madison hospital, where Aunt Bethany has been staying for the last few days. The driver takes me all the way without me even glancing back into the distance. I don’t think about Jason or Shayna or even the situation that we are all in because of me. All I think about is staring straight ahead into the future; to keep moving forward.

The cab drops me off at the front door. I don’t hesitate when I get out and throw the driver a fifty-dollar bill. He looks at me astonished as I turn and run into the hospital building. I take the elevator to the ICU floor; once there, I run all the way down to Aunt Bethany’s room. I pass nurses and doctors on the way, all of them yelling at me to slow down. I don’t listen to them. I barely hear them as thoughts of Aunt Bethany run through my head. I must get to her…

Doctor Dalorez is in her room once I reach it. I come to an abrupt halt at the doorway. Everyone in the room is quiet. All I hear is my heart pounding profusely. What is happening? I watch as Doctor Dalorez walks around the room looking distraught. After a few moments, she spots me. Her expression grows saddened as she makes her way slowly toward me; almost like she’s contemplating what she’s about to say to me.

“Destiny…” she says quietly in recognition.

“Doctor Dalorez…what’s going on?” I choke out.

She sighs. That is when I notice the bags under her eyes. She must’ve been called in last night and been here ever since.

“Please talk to me!” I exclaim. I hadn’t noticed how loud I was until I spot every doctor and nurse looking at me from every angle on the floor.

She shakes her head. “Go in and see her. When you are finished, please come to my office. We can talk there.”

She leaves me without saying another word.

I walk into Aunt Bethany’s room to find the same setup of tubes on her. The only difference is that it appears she can no longer talk according to the handwritten message on the white board. There is a tube going down her throat which I assume is for food. Her breathing is very raspy as I come closer to her so she can see me.

“I must leave, Aunt Bethany. I can’t stay here anymore. I don’t know how much longer I am safe here now that my secret is getting out. God only knows when that man is going to come here and find me again…I just…couldn’t leave without saying…goodbye to you,” I stutter out as tears come flowing down my cheeks. How do I do this? How do I say goodbye to my Aunt that is already dying? How do I say goodbye early? How do I let her know I will not be attending her funeral? This is the last time her and I will see each other…

She stares up at me as tears form in her eyes as well. I can tell she wants to say something, but can’t.

“I’m leaving today. I’m going out and starting a new life where I will be safe again. I know you will find me…your spirit will. I believe that. I have to. I need you to know something before I leave…you were right. You always were. I was stupid for fighting with you and for disobeying you. I want you to know you will always be in my heart…I will be using the tools to survive you always taught to me growing up…so, don’t worry about me.” I lean in and give her a kiss on the forehead. “I love you, Aunt Bethany. I always will and I will never forget you.”

Just as I say what I need to say to her, the machine starts beeping indicating she had flat lined. No longer breathing. She stayed with me as long as she could because she knew this day would come where I would come in and explain everything to her and say my goodbyes. She held on for that.

I put my hand to my mouth trying to keep in the choking sobs as I back away from her. Nurses start filing into the room one by one. As soon as there’s enough nurses in the room, I run for the door and down the hallway before the doctor comes in. She said she wanted to speak to me, and honestly, I have nothing to hear form her or say to her. My time here is done.

I run until I am outside the hospital again, but don’t stop there. I keep running with the road in my focus; I’ll call a cab once I’m walking down the road.

SMACK! I am on the ground, hurting. My lungs are fighting for air. It all happened so fast I barely had time to register the arms wrapping around me, one around my body and the other one around my neck. Those same arms holding me tight, and then throwing me on the asphalt ground. I continue to lay there as the pain through my head throbs harder with every second that passes. My lungs are stinging from the lack of air in those short seconds. I move a hand to my head, which is then instantly covered in blood. I am bleeding…badly.

A foot is pushing me over to face the person whom hurt me. I close my eyes not wanting to see them, but a voice makes me open them in shock.

“I told you no more running!” The voice says, angrily.

Jason? Why…what…?” I stumble on my words trying to make sense of this situation. All the while, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my head.

Jason bends down, and picks me up by the collar of my shirt. He holds me up to him by the collar of my shirt, which makes me lose even more air in my lungs.

“Hope, the things you have done to me…when I tell you not to run, you run anyway. What is wrong with you?!” He shouts in my face as he shakes me vigorously.

“Jason…you…hurt me,” I whisper out in as much feeling as I possibly can.

“Now, you know how it feels to be hurt, Hope…”

“Put her down,” a deeper voice says calmly from the behind Jason.

My heart instantly stops as I realize that voice belongs to my father. What is going on? My eyes never leave him as he makes his way up to us, to me. Jason lowers me to the ground, not taking his angry eyes off me, and keeping my arms in his tight grasp.

“Hmm, you’re bleeding, Destiny,” my father says matter-of-factly, running on hand across my forehead.

I flinch at the touch as my body tenses, Jason’s grasp growing tighter.

“Listen, Destiny, we need to talk. Let’s catch up! It has been, what, ten years?” Angst says in what seems to be a professional voice.

I nod, scared of what is about to happen. Confused as to why Jason is helping him. Was this part of the plan all along? Was I the fool from the beginning when I thought I had fooled everyone else?

“Why are you helping him?” I choke out, looking right at Jason.

His eyes grow saddened at the creases, but keeps his eyes locked on mine the entire time my father explains.

“You see, Destiny, he was always on my side right from the beginning. I hired him to follow you, and keep an eye on you. He would report to me daily on your whereabouts and the things you had been up to. I met him while I was in prison. He was one of the academy students touring the prison one day. Right after he graduated, he had gotten the job as the courtroom bailiff. When I was relieved of prison time, I paid him to drive me back to our home in Chicago. That is where I hired him as my detective. I gave him the necessary tools he needed to get a job in Arlington as the new night police officer, so he could spy on you and not get caught. I also hired his sister to get close to you as well. Why do you think your aunt didn’t want them in your life? She knew this entire time about them the moment those detectives spotted you and her at that restaurant ten years ago. You see, I was always in the loop just waiting on the perfect time to make my final move.”

I look over at Jason, whom is still staring at me and holding me by my wrists as tightly as he can.

“Now I see why you were always so eager to turn me in. Why? Why would you make me fall in love with you? Why would you lie to me? Did you even have a girlfriend that died or was that some bullshit story you were feeding me all this time?”

Jason sighs and looks at my father. My father nudges him the OK to speak.

“Yes, I did have a girlfriend I loved very much. However, the man who killed her happened to be your father. He ran her off the road causing her car to flip four times down into the ditch on the side of the road. I was the first officer that arrived on the scene and your father was there. I recognized him from the trip to the prison in Chicago.” Jason takes a deep breath and looks at the ground as he continues the rest of his explanation. “He killed her because I had failed to do what he asked of me. As soon as I graduated from the academy, he sent me to find you…I had a very small time limit window. He said if I couldn’t get you to him by the time he had asked, I was going to pay…and I did. I lost her…because of my actions. I went on and resented myself for losing her the way I did…” Tears are now streaming down his face, but he keeps talking. “I made it my mission then to find you…to repay her memory. Shayna wanted to turn you in right away…but I wouldn’t let her…”

“Why?” I almost shout.

He looks at me just then at the sound of harshness in my voice.

“Because I fell in love with you, and I’ll be damned if I lose you, too.”

Just then, the sound of gun shots being fired run through my ears, but only aimed at one thing: my father. Jason has me pinned on the ground as he tries to cover me from the bullets flying through the air.

I am so confused…what is going on? What do I believe? The last forty-eight hours of my life have been all sorts of inside out, and twisted. Is all of this for real?

I push against Jason to try and free myself from underneath his body that has me pinned in this awkward position on the hard ground. He notices my struggle and pushes my body harder into the asphalt, making it impossible to even try to escape.

Out of the side of my eye, I see the salute of my father fall to the ground after hearing what seemed like hundreds of gun shots being fired. He falls next to me and remains motionless.

“Come check him!” Jason is yelling at the person whom was shooting at my father.

As the person approaches my father’s dead body, I am taken by surprise that much more because the person holding the rifle is Shayna; a tiny girl that I didn’t think was capable of even operating a gun. Her brother is law enforcement, so she probably took lessons from him…

She pokes his body a few times and announces he’s dead. She shoots him one more time just to make sure.

I am frozen in shock at the entire scene that played out before my eyes as Jason picks me up off the ground. He carries me as he follows Shayna back towards the hospital doors.

The first nurse he sees he flags down and tells her to take me to a room, and that I’ve been a victim in a violent crime. He assures the nurse he’s a police officer by showing her his badge after he sets me down on top of a bed she brings over. Once she starts taking me to a room, I hear Jason tell Shayna to call the sheriff and get them down here to take care of my dead father in the parking lot.

Once the nurse has the bed arranged in a room, Jason tells her to inspect my entire body. I try to sit up and tell him I’m fine, only to be pushed back down by him, and told to lay still.

“Can you be more specific, sir, about the violent crimes she was a victim of?” The nurse asks Jason as she starts to undress me in front of him. “I need to know what kind of injuries I’m checking her for.”

My eyes are wide as I realize his eyes are on me; all of me.

“A shooting that happened right outside in the parking lot,” he replies quietly.

The nurse nods and continues her pursuit in undressing me and checking for injuries. Jason keeps is eyes on me as I become more and more naked. I am frozen in shock as I realize that Jason has never seen all of me naked. We had that touchy-feely make out session that got quickly interrupted…

I feel a pang of hurt as I remember that day. Feels like forever ago…when it was only just days ago. So much has changed and happened since then, including finding out he was working with my father this whole time. He made me fall in love with him…only to turn me in.

He sees the flicker of hurt and disappointment in my eyes. His eyes grow sad as he turns and looks away from me as the nurse continues to examine my naked body.

“Mr. Steth, I found an open wound on the back of her head that needs a few stitches. Otherwise she is good to go,” the nurse explains a few moments later. “I’m going to go get the doctor to clean it up for you.”

“Thank you,” Jason replies, not once turning around to face me or the nurse as she walks out of the room.

We are alone in the room. Neither of us says anything while we wait for the doctor which isn’t long at all. The doctor sedates the spot on my head after she cleans it, and it takes her what feels like thirty seconds to stitch it up. Jason tells her to medicate me for the pain, which puts me to sleep.

The only thing I hear as sleep consumes me is the low humble of Jason’s voice and the beep of the heartrate monitor next to me.

~Ehh…What to say?~

I am lost in thought…What do you say? 

This past week has been rough. I haven’t had much time to write chapter 7 which makes me sad. Tonight when I am done writing this blog I will sit down and write. I have to get it done. 

Let’s take a minute and collect ourselves…catch up on the events of the week…

I quit my job early in the week which left me without a job. Not a very smart thing to do since my boyfriend was left paying the bills (our bills exceed his paycheck). I had no choice but to quit. I was being taken advantage of, my boss wasn’t listening to my schedule requests (I have a family that I barely got to see which led to fights with my boyfriend), but the biggest thing was that since since the shop is losing money they wanted me to go over and beyond…basically do more for less pay. I can’t do that. Nobody can. So I had more time to write since I quit which led me to post 2 chapters a week. GREAT!! I got a new job though so expect the chapters to come once a week sometime. I got a job at an embroidery company. They have better work hours so I am able to see my family and have a set schedule every day. I am very structured and I like my routines. Anything outside my routines I hate. So, I’m nervous but excited to start my job tomorrow. 

Aside from that, my aunt passed away on Friday. It has been a very emotional weekend all around. She was a stubborn fighter, but the virus that hit her this last time was too much for her. She is now with my grandfather and not suffering anymore. I was close with her and this is all tearing me apart…

My boyfriend took me to see Logan Friday night after my aunt passed. Such a good movie and a must see if you are a fan of the wolverine like me! I am so upset, though, that this is the last of the wolverine. It can’t be!! Who’s with me?? Anyway, go see it! We are waiting on the fast and furious movie to come out too. Counting down the days. 

It has been warming up by our house so we are getting ready to go fishing soon. Very soon. Maybe tomorrow? We are anxious to go fishing! Hopefully we catch some big ones this year! Last year was a good season. 

I am going to try and have chapter 7 done by the end of the week for weekend reading material. It is a big chapter meaning a very important chapter so I want everything to be perfect. Therefore, it will take me the rest of the week to finish. Also, now that is coming of fishing season I may write a lot of fishing blogs. We have been watching a lot of fishing videos on youtube, hopefully the techniques work. They usually do! It will definitely be fun to see what all kinds of fish are hiding out on the lake, and to see HOW BIG! I will also be building my garden outside this year, so I may write a few gardening blogs as well. So much material! 

I am going to leave this blog here, though, for today. I have got so much to do with chapter 7. I do ask of you all to keep my family in your thoughts especially my 2 little cousins whom are now without their mother. Thank you so much for reading. Stay tuned for more updates about my novel and the chapters. Have a safe week everyone! 

~Nature and Peace~

To all my readers before I begin, no this is not Chapter 5 yet, but it is coming. I’ve got a good start on it and hope to have it out by the weekend! I am simply taking a small break to write a nature blog because I’ve got to keep the money rolling in. 

As many do not know, I live by the lake. A big lake at that. Lake Wisconsin to be exact. I walk out my front door and…THERE IT IS!! We have a lot of nature such as wild life, trees, and such many different things I’ve never even seen before. For example, the dark fishing spider. I am so afraid of spiders it’s not funny and the dark fishing spider is as creepy as it gets! (I dare all of you to google it. The picture on the bottom is what the look like and they get so much bigger out here by the lake!)Image result for dark fishing spider

Spooky, Right? Like every day is Halloween except without the candy.

Not every day is like this, though. Most days are very calm and relaxing. Peaceful. You go outside and hear nothing but coyotes howl at night; during the day the birds are chirping and you hear the WHOOSH of the lake. Like every day is paradise. Doesn’t that sound enjoyable? Like Heaven, especially when you get days like this:    

Doesn’t that look beautiful? Doesn’t this picture make  you want to build a fort by it and never leave? Looks almost like one of those pictures you see of people relaxing by the ocean with a beer in their hand. Well, I’m sorry to inform you all that this picture IS NOT photo shop like the ones you see in magazines or on social media. This is an actual picture I took myself while fishing on this beautiful lake last summer. This spot is actually right down the road from my house. These are the moments in nature that make it peaceful. These are the moments in nature to cherish. I don’t think we caught any fish on this particular day, but it was such a gorgeous day to sit out and relax. Act like those people relaxing on the beach with a cold beer in my hand. These are honestly the days to live for, people. Instead of stressing about what to wear on your next date night, or about your employer cutting your hours, or about if you’re going to be able to afford your bills for the next two weeks, think about the nature you all could be enjoying. Go on a hike somewhere you’ve never been and take lots of pictures of anything and everything. Go spend the day on an actual beach somewhere, or even grab your grandfathers’ old boat and coast it down the river and soak up everything.

That is the problem with society these days. Everyone focuses on the things they can’t control and they go through life with their head down. Look up for a change and experience all life’s little things such as the nature around you. At least before it passes you by. Me, for example, I’m not afraid to stand on the shore of the lake and look up to the stars because no matter what, I am always looking up.                     

  Have a nice day everyone! Go and enjoy world’s nature and find peace around you!