~Part 5: What Really Happened…~

Hi all!! I’m so sorry this post is a little late! My schedule all week has been nothing but chaos. Between work and writing…I had to rewrite my paperback manuscript for my last book because it got deleted when I tried to upload it for publishing. So, I’ve been working around the clock to get that done. I finally finished it yesterday. It is up now for purchase on my amazon page for any of you that are interested. Also, we got a new peak hour schedule through Lyft. So, it’s been a task getting used to that as a full time driver. 

Now, I’m starting my next two projects: Book 2 to Saving Her and a new book that is not in my series called It’s Not Fair. I can also get back to my blog routine as well. So, with that being said, here is part 5 to the mysterious thriller…what really happened? Will Cassandra survive? Or will she perish in the darkness alone? 

The next few hours dragged by as I contemplated my life and how it all came to be this way. How? How and why?

Randall never did answer all of my questions. All he told me was I deserved this…I deserved to be chained away in his custody like this. Was this his way of saying that if he couldn’t have me that nobody could?

If he was going to eventually kill me, I at least deserved to know everything. After all, I would be taking it all away with me to my grave at this point.

The pain in my wrists and my side was starting to subside which only meant that I was near death. I could feel all my blood on the floor around me as I moved my legs closer to my body. Did I want the light on anymore to see the damages? No…I’d rather die in the darkness that way my soul wouldn’t be tainted by the sight of what this place really looks like. Somehow, the not knowing is way more soothing than the knowing.

I could feel strands of hair falling into my face as I tried desperately to blow them away. With each attempt and fail, I could feel the tears welling up more in my eyes. It wasn’t long now until I exploded into a hysterical fit of sobs.

I heard a door opening and closing fiercely in the near distance. Then, footsteps that practically ran up to me. The sounds had me scared and shivering from head to toe.

“You are going into another room,” Randall’s voice responds from in front of me.

“W…why?” I choked out in almost a whisper.

“Never mind that–“

“Randall! What are you doing with me? Why? Where am I? Why did you take me?” All the questions rambled out in a rush as I fought his touch against my body and wrists. “Randall! Answer me! I deserve answers! If you are going to kill me, then I deserve to know! Obviously, I’m taking your secret to my grave, so just tell me!”

The tears were spilling over as I cried loudly. Terrified and angry at Randall for doing this to me with no explanations other than I deserved it. What exactly did I deserve in his eyes?

“You need to be quiet!” He spat in my face.

“Then tell me! Tell me how I got here,” I countered. “If you answer me honestly, I’ll do whatever you want.”

Randall took a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

“I will explain everything to you once I move you into a different room. You have to cooperate with me, though. I don’t want to have to kill you, Cassandra.”

That answer had me feeling relieved. So, he wasn’t planning on killing me. He just planned on keeping me hostage for some odd reason. I nodded.

“OK.”

With that answer, he untied my wrists and grabbed onto them with one hand so I wouldn’t try fighting against him. Then, in one swift movement, he picked me up from underneath and cradled me in his arms as we moved from the dark corner to another dark room down the hall somewhere. I gathered the door was already opened as Randall swiftly walked through the open doorway with my feet barely touching the door frame as he stepped through. I could feel him setting me on top of a hard, cold mattress. A bedroom? The room was darker than the corner he had me in…what was happening?

“Randall…what are we doing in here?” I asked shakily.

“You wanted answers,” he replied as he shut the door and locked it. “Then, you are my slave after that.”

Instantly, I regretted agreeing to doing whatever he wanted. I only said it to try and get him to talk…I don’t know why I didn’t think he would take it literally.

“W…what are you going to do?” I asked quietly as the shivers appeared once again to remind me that I am still alive.

“First, give you the answers you have been seeking. Remember that party? At Leah’s?” Randall asked in a soft voice as I heard him pulling a chair up to the bed to sit in front of me. 

How could he see in the pitch blackness? Did he have those night vision goggles on? He had to…there was no way he could be maneuvering around in the darkness like this without falling or tripping over something. 

“Yeah?” I responded shakily.

“Do you remember talking to Conner outside on the back deck?”

I though a moment before responding.

“Yeah?”

I didn’t like where this was going. The shivers got worse with each hunch I had.

“I was at that party, you know…looking for you…”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. I went specifically for you. Little did I know, I would find you flirting your way in with Conner Evans. So, I let you and Conner have your fun. Minute by minute, I grew angrier, but I couldn’t draw attention to myself…” Randall began.

“Randall…what did you do to Conner? Is he here with me?” I asked. I don’t know why I though Randall would’ve kidnapped Conner as well. Maybe it was a hopeful hunch that between the both of us we could escape this.

Randall laughed slightly. 

“No. You are here alone. Actually, Conner Evans….he won’t be missed by many.”

“Where is he?” I spat out. Anger replaced my fear in this moment. Conner had to be OK…he just had to be…

Randall laughed again this time a little louder. The sound made the shivers harder to control. 

“What is it that the fisherman always say? Oh, yes…Conner is now swimming with the fishes. Well, his body is, now,” Randall answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

My heart sank to the bottom pits of my chest cavity. What did he just say? Is he admitting to killing Conner?

What? You killed Conner?” I asked. 

“I had no choice, Cassandra. Conner was a fighter and threatened to warn you about me. I couldn’t let that happen–“

“Yeah, well, he had every right to warn me about you!” I shouted. 

“Cass, you need to cooperate like you promised. If you don’t, I won’t keep talking and I’ll have to inflict pain on you…pain I don’t want to inflict. You see, I didn’t mean to kill Conner Evans. A simple blow to the head enabled him from ever waking up again. He knew you were mine. He knew I had my sights set on you, but he still pursued you anyway. You, on the other hand, did no better by playing into his flirty hands like a whore in heat. I had to get you away from all that. I had to get you all to myself, so once Conner was knocked out and stuffed into the trunk of my car, I followed you. I followed your every movement, and studied everything about you. You had no idea the entire night that Conner was never coming back. I even had one girl tell you that he went home for the night because he wasn’t feeling well and you believed it. Naive you are. Once you were alone, I sneaked up behind you and spiced your drink. You didn’t notice because you were so drunk at that point. I stood there watching you as you passed out in my arms. I told everyone I had to take you home because you were too drunk and passed out. Poor Leah begged me to have you stay the night, but I told her you had asked me to be your designated driver. She believed me…they all did. I threw Conner’s body into the lake outside of town after that. You didn’t wake up til days later…you know the rest,” Randall explained quietly as if there were people standing on the outside of the door listening to us. 

Was this some kind of joke? Was he being serious with me? A part of me couldn’t help to think he was lying to me, or at least hiding part of the story from me…the part he didn’t want me to know. 

“I don’t believe you,” I said after a moment of processing what he just confessed to me.

“What?” 

“You heard me. I. Don’t. Believe. You,” I repeated making sure I enunciated every syllable angrily. 

Randall laughed. 

“I knew you wouldn’t cooperate or believe anything I told you. Why would you when I kidnapped you, right? That is why you’re in this room. You are going to eat, Cassandra,” Randall said sharply as he stood and pushed the chair away. “Whether you like it or not. No more fighting. If you don’t eat, then I guess you will perish in this room. The way I see it, I’m doing you a favor in not murdering you for disobeying me earlier and being unfaithful to me at the party.”

“I’m not yours, Randall! I never was!” I shouted angrily. A burst of confidence surging through my veins. 

“Yes, you are. The sooner you accept that, the better your fate will be in this room.”

“Is that why you took me? To prove a point that if you can’t have me then nobody can, right?” I asked suddenly before he exited the room leaving me alone again.

“Yes.”

With that, Randall exited and locked the door behind him. I was alone once again in the darkness. He could’ve at least turned a light on for me if I was going to be stuck in this room forever. Maybe he didn’t want me capturing my surroundings in fear of eventually escaping and running to the police…

With the answers he gave me running through my head, I sat cross legged on the cold bed, put my head into my hands, and cried. I cried for Conner. I cried for his family. I cried for my family. Last, I cried for myself. 

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~Part 4: Is Ignorance Really Bliss?~

I sat there and pondered my escape plans. None that seemed to be legit came to mind. I was officially stuck here…forever. Or at least until I died. Oh, how I wished for death in this moment. I know I would be letting everyone back home down, but being with God was definitely a better place for me than being tied up in this dark corner in a random warehouse with him….Randall Atwood.

My mind still couldn’t process that fact. How did we come to this? How did this even happen? I’ve come to the realization that I don’t even remember how I got here…the last thing I remember was being at a party with my friends. It was the end of the school year party that Leah always threw at her parents house. I don’t remember alcohol being involved at her party, but maybe it was. I definitely don’t remember Randall Atwood being there!

I remember I was outside talking to…Conner!! Oh, no! Conner Evans had such a huge crush on me and I’m proud to admit I like him too. He was the star athlete in our high school and I was his personal cheerleader. Our friendship dates back all the way to the day care ages. We grew up together and became best friends. The older we got, the more attracted we were to each other. We were planning a date night together at the party…and that was when everything went black.

Sometimes I passed out from having too low of blood pressure, a medical condition I take pills for. I don’t remember my blood pressure dropping that day…if it was, I would’ve noticed right away due to the dizziness feeling and would’ve taken my pills. I always carried them on me because I never knew when I was going to be in that moment. I was prepared for anything.

So, what happened? Will I always be in a state of not remembering; the not knowing? That thought had chills running down my spine because anything could’ve happened leading up to this moment. Was the joke always going to be on me?

Then, I remembered the food plate that was sitting in front of me untouched. Why would Randall demand me to eat but not untie my hands so I CAN eat? How was I supposed to eat with my hands tied? I pushed the plate away again with my foot. This time it slid farther down the hallway. That was when I heard a door opening and closing. Randall. He must be coming to check on me.

Fierce foot steps that echoed in the dark area grew louder as he approached.

“Why are you not cooperating?” He spat out at me.

“What do you mean?” I stuttered.

“I told you to eat and instead you feel like rebelling against that by pushing away your plate. Do I have to beat the food into you?” He snarled.

“What? No! Randall…I can’t eat with my hands being tied up! It’s impossible! How do you expect me to eat like this?” I explained as the tears ran down my cheeks. I was scared for my life, but I hoped my death would come fast and easy, not be drawn out in agony.

“LIES! All you do is tell lies! Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Randall! Please! You have to know what you are doing to me isn’t normal! Why would I lie to you? LOOK AT ME!! I can’t move!” I cried. I lost all sense of myself in that moment.

Just then, pain hit the side of my face as he slapped me as hard as he could. My head fell back and hit the wall causing pain in the back of my head as well. I couldn’t help but to bawl from the pain; from the fear.

“Should I hit you again for lying to me?” He asked loudly. What was he doing? Why was he doing this to me? So many questions that I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any answers for any time soon. I was going to die not knowing the truth.

“Randall…stop…please!” I bawled not moving my body away from the wall.

“Please what? Why should I show you mercy?”

“Because I’m not lying to you! Why would I lie to you?”

“You once told me I was a nice guy…made me believe you liked me back…until the night I saw you with Conner. You lied to me then! All you are is a selfish liar! I am going to beat that out of you until you come to your senses and obey me. You will not rebel. You will not tell anymore lies. You are mine, Cassandra. The sooner you realize that the better this all will be for you,” Randall explained in that rough voice of his.

“What are you talking about? What did you do? What did you do to me? To Conner? I deserve answers you sick bastard!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn’t care anymore if I was going to be beaten to death. If I wasn’t getting out of here, then I wanted to die. I wanted to die by the hands of my capture; Randall Atwood.

Randall laughed as he started to walk away from me. “You will know in time, Cassandra. Now, is not the time.”

“You can’t do this! You can’t expect me to go along with your plan if you can’t tell me why! Tell me why I’m here! Tell me what you did! RANDALL!!!” I cried out as he continued to walk down the hallway and through another door; or maybe the same door as before I couldn’t tell in the darkness. 

I was alone again. I was alone to sulk as my face started to swell tremendously from the slap. The pain throbbed as I laid my head against the cool wall and cried. I cried until my tears ran dry, then cried some more. 

 

~I Did A Thing!~

It is 7:30AM on this beautiful cold Tuesday morning. Been up since 5:30AM rewriting my manuscript for the paperback version of my newest book I just published. I finally finished the fine touches and details to my newest book Saving Her. It is also my first bigger novel and my first series I’m writing. Saving Her: Minnie’s Lust is book one to this series. Below I posted a pic of it. It is now available on my amazon page BUT only in kindle version right now. When I went to go publish in paperback yesterday, my entire manuscript disappeared!! I was super devastated, but I’m working on fixing the issue by copying and pasting from kindle creator onto a new word document and fixing indentations so I can publish it in paperback as well. I don’t like publishing just kindle because I don’t want readers to feel like they have to read kindle versions if they prefer paperback instead, so I always try and publish paperback versions as well. 

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I was just super irritated about it all yesterday, but being an author isn’t always easy. Sometimes crap like that happens and we have to keep trudging through it by finding solutions. Anyway, that was my big project yesterday. I was hoping to start on my next project which is the sequel to Minnie’s Lust and a newer project called “It’s Not Fair”. Yes, I’ll be working on two projects at a time plus going to work. I’m dedicated and very motivated when it comes to writing. I love it. I love creating my imaginary world. There are always new ideas rolling around in my head. I can’t wait to make them all come out into story form. 

I know this blog is different than the short story I was posting. No worries, though, I will be posting another section onto that for those of you that follow that story. We have to see what happens! Does she live? Does she escape? What do you guys think? My plan is to write another section sometime this week. Things have been crazy with publishing my new book and fixing the issues I ran into. I did however, download an add-in for kindle to the word software so hopefully with that in place, this disaster won’t happen again. Writing and publishing is a learning process with each book. It’s never the same. I like that about writing because I constantly feel like I’m learning something new each day. 

Anyway, about my book:

I don’t want to give too much away because it is quite the page turner, but here is a little bit about it.

“Ryle comes from what we call a normal family life. No crime, instead good grades and a good scholarship to a good college. From Illinois, he moved to California to be the producer of his new TV show. He had it all and never once thought it could all be taken from him in the blink of an eye. Well, he was wrong. It all started the day he met Minnette Evans, “Minnie”. Thinking she was just a regular, innocent girl had him hooked on her…until he starts to uncover the demons in her past. Will he ever be able to trust the lies Minnie feeds him? He truly believes he can make a difference in her world, but the question is…how much of a difference if at all?”

Buy today for $5.99 on amazon to join Ryle as he jumps into his past and reminisces the twisted emotions he endured on the roller coaster ride Minnie put him on. *Book one in Saving Her trilogy*

The sequel is yet to come! “Saving Her: Minnie’s Love” will be about the present day. Will Minnie find him? Will they reunite? Or do they continue to go their own separate ways living separate lives with different people? *Spoiler Alert! Minnie does come back…but to what end? Does she expect anything in return? What is her game?* Something to look forward to!! I know I am super excited to start writing it! When I can start anyway…I have to hurry up and finish the paperback version of Book One because I have some people that have been waiting for it to come out. Thank you to all that have been following along since day one of this book and since day one of…everything. I feel like I don’t say it enough, but so far this has been quite the journey that I’m proud to be on and I’m super proud that I finally made the choice to publish and continue writing. I know the journey has just begun and I can’t wait to see where it all ends up taking me. Thank you to all that have been my inspiration and that have been here since the very first book. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you all. 

I know this blog is kind of all over the place today. My brain has yet to wake up. I haven’t had my coffee yet ha-ha. So, I apologize for the scatter. I was supposed to post this yesterday…or post a blog yesterday anyway, and well…here I am today posting it. I have to say, with how busy I am, I am doing a pretty good job at maintaining my blog posting routine. It may not be the exact days every week, but its always a few times a week at least. I’m proud of myself there as well. It’s always hard for me to stick to something especially when I’m busy. Like I said before, I’m dedicated and I love my life as a writer. I am so motivated to make my career come from all this. I know it will one day with the dedication I have. 

Anyway, I’m going to leave this blog here. I need to go eat something and eventually go to work today. I will post another book blog when my paperback versions are up and ready for purchase. I will post another section blog onto the short story I started probably tomorrow…maybe tonight even..if it’s not too late. Either tonight or tomorrow. That’s all for my updates at the moment. Hope you all have a fantastic Tuesday!! Stay warm if you live in the northern/mid-western states. By the way, I have like 2 feet of snow at my house. Not cool. It’s gross, but I know it will all be gone soon! Crossing fingers! 

~Part 3…Am I Stuck Here Forever?~

I sat here next to the stone cold wall for what felt like hours. Was I ever going to be able to go home to my family? I had to figure out a way to escape.

Feeling around me on the floor for anything I could use in my escape plan turned out useless. There was nothing but dirt and…water? Was that a puddle of water I felt or was that a puddle of my blood? I couldn’t tell anymore. The pain in my body seemed to seize for the time being. Or maybe my body was going numb from the loss of blood…I couldn’t tell anymore. At this point, I didn’t care either as long as I found a way out of here. The specifics could be figured out later.

As I sat there and tried to think of an escape plan, I also started to think of Randall…I couldn’t believe Randall Atwood was the master mind behind all this. I knew he was mentall unstable in school, but I NEVER pictured him being capable of a crime such as this. He was on the honor roll and insisted on being a part of every club possible. No…he had to be someone else. He wasn’t the Randall Atwood I knew…I refused to believe so. 

Just then, I heard a door opening down the hall. That had to be him coming to check on me. I laid my head back against the wall and pretended to be asleep as I tried to calm my breathing.

“You’re not sleeping,” his husky voice said once he approached me. 

He was so close to me I could feel his hot breath on my neck. What was he going to do to me? My heart instantly started racing again. 

I didn’t answer him hoping to fool him into thinking I actually WAS sleeping.

“I said, you are not sleeping,” he said again in that same husky tone only louder this time. 

Something about his voice sent chills down my spine and had me afraid for my life now. I opened my eyes to the darkness that still consumed me and said, “What do you want with me?”

Instead of answering my question, I felt him push a plate towards me. 

“Eat,” was all he said. 

“What is it?”

“Food. Now, eat.”

“You can’t expect me to eat something I can’t see…if you want me to eat it, then tell me what I’m eating!” I shouted in frusteration.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he stood up and I heard him walk back down the hall as I continued to yell after him. Whay wasn’t he answering my question? It was a simple question…

The way he remained mysterious had me on edge unable to trust him or anything he gave me even if it was actual food. I pushed the plate away with my knee and cried hysterically; all the pent up emotions of what has happened finally spilling over. 

I need to get out of here. Now. 

With no other solutions coming to mind, I started pulling and yanking at the chains that bound my wrists around whatever pole I was sitting next to. I thought it was a pole anyway with the way it felt. 

I pulled and yanked for I don’t know how long; until my wrists started hurting real bad. I was sure I was bleeding again. The chains felt as though they weren’t going to give way just by me pulling at them. They were too strong for that. I needed to find something to cut them with…or to cut my own hands off….

Cutting off my own hands was indeed a plan in mind, but a last resort I wasn’t going to shy away from. I was desperate and had to get out of here. Cutting off my own hands left me with a higher possibility of living rather than sitting here in my own blood waiting for Randall to kill me. I knew his plan was to eventually kill me when he had had enough of me or saw that I wasn’t the girl he thought he was in love with. 

Right now, though, I saw no way out. I was trapped here until the opportunity arose for me to fight back. If it ever came. I only hoped my parents weren’t missing me too much yet. I didn’t want them to freak out on me for not being home or calling for help. They wouldn’t even begin to understand the predicument I’m in. I only hoped they knew I loved them dearly if I never got the chance to go home…

What about my little brother? He needed someone there to protect him throughout his middle school and high school years. Knowing there was a possibility that I wasn’t going to be there for him killed my heart. I was always there for him when he needed someone to help him practice for his baseball leagues or his karate classes; even for his soccer games. Him and I became a team which was something that was rare with siblings of different ages. My brother and I were the special siblings; we became close the moment he was born. I remembered telling Mom that I had to be in the room with her when he was born. I was eight. Dad wouldn’t allow me, so I snuck into the room anyway. I held Mom’s hand and watched as my little brother was brought into this world. I had no idea at that time that this world was so evil; that it carried evil people in every corner. every crevice, every turn. If only I knew then, I would’ve prepared my little brother for what this world was all about. Now, he was going to grow up without me and never know about the certain demons that lurk among us. 

How unfair and twisted this world was…

I took a deep breath and tried to relax my body. Maybe I could try and get some real sleep. Maybe if I did, it would help me come up with some kind of escape plan. Right now, my mind was buzzing and feeling woozy. I needed to relax. 

The question still remained at my eyes closed. Why me? Why did this have to turn out the way it did?

~Part 2 Of The Story…Who Are They?~

“Who are you?” I asked through the tears that began to stram down my face. “What do you want with me?”

“I want nothing, but you,” the man grumbles. “Who I am is nothing of importance.”

“Then, tell me where I am…and why it’s so dark in here!” I almost demand. I am scared and this sick man needs to understand that. If he isn’t going to tell me who he is, then I will drill him for other information.

“Nowhere,” he says not giving a shit about my fear. “The darkness helps stimulates the other senses.”

“You are sick!” I yell out in what sounded like a plea. My tears stream more down my face. I just want to go home. I had a great life with my friends and family. I was going to be going to Illinois State for college in less than a month, and I used to be super excited about it. Now…I don’t even know if I’ll be alive by then.

“Why are you hurting me?” I cried when he doesn’t answer. My thoughts flick back to the earlier pain I had endured when I woke up. He was cutting pieces of my flesh off with what felt like a very dull blade of some sort. Then, he bandaged me up like he had done nothing wrong; acting as though he was my savior. I know different. He is a sick monster. My mind wanders to the thought of who else he brought to this place and tortured like this…but why is he doing this? What does he have to gain from this? Is it some sort of sick fantasy he plays out in his head? I need to know why!

“You are fine for now. You are not hurt anymore,” he says in his low grumble. This man is not making any sense.

“English, please! Tell me why! I need to know…what have I done to you to deserve this kind of torture? I don’t even know who you are…”

“Everyone has sins they need to pay for. I kill them off one by one…but you seem to be pleading for forgiveness. That is yet to be determined…that is why I’m taking my time with you. Who I am…is not of importance. I am simply a nobody in your world. What you have done you ask? Well, when someone is interested in you and shows their interest through gifts, you act like it is an embarrassment in your world. Then, you walk right through me like I’m not there. Shame on you for being so rude! This is why you are here…with me…forever,” the man explains. I have to listen carefully because the way he speaks is not in a clear way that I can understand. I have to put the pieces together and listen in between the lines. I am not stupid, however.

“Randall?? Are you serious? You are Randall Atwood?” I spit out as the realization hits me hard.

The man doesn’t say anything. Instead, he produces a low chuckle indicating my realization had been correct. The fear is now replaced with shock. Randall Atwood was the one that kidnapped me and is torturing me…he will probably kill me, too.

“Why? Why, Randall? I’m sorry that I acted that way with you…but is that any reason to kidnap someone and hurt them? Think about what you are doing!” I tried to rationalize with him. Anything was worth trying in this moment. I had to find a way to escape this.

“It is worth it when I get to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I please to the love of my life,” Randall replied.

“Randall…please…think about this…”

“I already have. The deed is done, Cassandra. You are mine forever. Here in this dark place. No one will find you. No, in fact, they already think you are dead,” Randall explains as he begins to walk away from me leaving me in this dark corner alone soaked in my own tears and blood.

No, he can’t do this to me! This cannot be true! I have to find a way out of this! Surely, my friends and family don’t believe I’m dead…

I slump my head against the cold, hard wall behind me and cry some more. Who am I now? I’m no longer Cassandra Williams, valedictorian at Wingra High School. I am just another body that has been added to the possible others here in this dark warehouse. Never to be found again.

Thank you for reading part 2 of the mystery that slowly begins to unfold. Stay connected for part 3 is coming in a few days! 

~How About A Short Story Excerpt? Part one~

As I was working today, I realized today is blog day…which led me to thinking what should I do for my blog? Then, as I got to thinking about it in between passengers, I thought yeah! A short story today would be a perfect blog/blog series to start!! I don’t have a title for this short story. I don’t have character names yet either. All I have is a short excerpt and in my next blog I’ll have more details to go off of. For now, here is what I have for “part one”:

I am awake. No, I can’t be awake because everything was a dream, right? What if it was all real and I’m left here alone in the dark to perish? I must call for help, but I can’t see anything. I don’t even know where I am. My voice is barely existent in my throat and I’m afraid no one will here my cries, anyway. I have to try…I have to find a way out of this hell I’ve been dragged into. Why me? That is the question I am now asking. What have I done in this world to deserve such a cruel fate? 

The sound of boards creaking in the distance have the hair on my arms standing on end. I am in an old building, and he is out there somewhere. Waiting. Waiting for me to escape. He finds thrill in chasing me like I’m some kind of prize he always wins. I need to get out. 

My hands are bound together behind me in some kind of thick rope. It gets tighter around my wrists every time I try to pry it off. I think I am bleeding, now. Oh, my! I can’t remember what happened! Why am I here? The last think I remember is I was out with friends and something large struck me from behind. Now, I am alone in this dark corridor bleeding profusely with no means of escaping. I am going to die here. No one will notice my disappearance and if they do, it will be a short story on the news; nothing spectacular. I am a nobody. The worst thing to be in a situation like this because no one will be out looking for me. I will die, and no one will notice the difference. 

I am scared that he will return and repeat the torture. The sick torture. What has he done to me? My breathing starts to become heavier as I think of all the sick possibilities. I am panicking now. Also, the worst thing to do in a situation like this, but I have nothing else going for me. 

Just then, I hear a door opening in the near distance. Oh, God! He is coming for me! My panicking will not help save me. He is going to kill me I know it! The footsteps grow louder and louder sounding as though he is walking on concrete. I am in a concrete building somewhere…a warehouse? The footsteps continue to grow louder with each agonizing second until I can feel him upon me. 

My body shudders as he lays a rough hand on my face. He can see me, but I can’t see him. He begins stroking my face as though reassuring me everything will be alright. Somehow, I don’t believe him. I don’t trust this monster of a man. Then, I feel his hand drop to my arms holding me in place. Oh, God! What is happening? I whimper from the touch, afraid of what is to come from this man. Then, I feel a cold cup being forced to my lips as though trying to pry them open. “Drink. Now,” he says in a deep voice. I do as he says. Instantly I am relieved to feel cold water being poured down my throat. I hadn’t noticed how thirsty I became through my panicking. Is he taking care of me? A capture taking care of his fugitive? What is this? Where am I? Who is he? 

All questions still go unanswered as I am afraid to speak even the slightest word to him. I am petrified. Thoughts of my friends and family run through my mind like vivid visions. Where are they all now? I can only hope they are all OK…I hope they will at least miss me when I’m dead. 

I hear another sound coming from this man that brings me back to my terrifying reality. A wrinkling wrapper….oh, no…His hands are on me again, this time viciously grabbing my arm and squeezing. I cry out in pain as he starts to wrap it with whatever was inside that wrapper. “Hold still,” he grumbles. My arm is throbbing in pain and there is nothing I can do about it except to listen to this strange man. I am forced to trust this strange man, and I hate it. 

“Where am I?” I blurt out. The pain gave me the courage to speak finally, but was I ready to hear the answer? “Nowhere important,” he grumbles back. With that, he quickly finishes the wrapping of my arm, then leaves me to bawl in my own self pity alone…in this dark corner. I want to go home. I want to go back to my old life before all of this happened. I just want to be me again…but I see now, that isn’t possible anymore. I am stuck here to slowly die and be this man’s slave or maybe his whore…at this point anything seems better as long as I am alive.

 

 

~Is Writing My Psychiatrist?~

I know what you all are thinking by the title…no, I’m not crazy nor have I gone mad. I needed a catchy title plus it is kind of the topic I want to talk about…just maybe not in those words. 

I’ve had many people in the last 6 months tell me that I need to see a psychiatrist. Especially after everything my ex did and continued to put me through mentally. I used to see a psychiatrist for a while after my best friend died in a car accident back in 2009. It helped, but I began to realize as I got older that I can be my own doctor by overpowering my inner demons. It was so hard and still is at times. I still fall prey to dark thoughts just like any other person battling with the same issue. I also know that not everyone has the capability to fight their inner demons like I have been. As long as they have some sort of outlet to channel those inner feelings towards that doesn’t harm anyone, I think they will learn to cope just fine. 

What I will say is that, no I don’t need to see a doctor again. Instead, I found my “outlet” to channel all those dark feelings towards, and that is writing. I don’t know what it is about writing, but whenever I sit down to write my books or write a blog, I can feel all those bad feelings leaving my body. I am able to control myself at that point and feel so much better. Happier. Writing is more than art. It is a sense of psychiatry in its own version I believe. I think it has something to do with the way the mind works when you write down all your feelings and read them back to yourself. Whatever it is, it’s a wonderful thing. This is another reason why I enjoy keeping up on my blogs every few days. By doing so, it helps keep my mind “sane” and by clearing my head like that I’m also able to focus more on my books, my job, my home life, people in passing, LIFE IN GENERAL. After all the mind is mysterious to mankind and we will never be able to understand it. 

Do I believe I may have some issues in my head? To some extent yes, but I’ve learned to cope with them in a non-harmful way by finding my outlet. Having my outlet to go to and create something worth while from it has me feeling normal…but what exactly is normal in our society? I like to think of myself as “unique”. In my own little way, of course. 

This thought crossed my mind today when I was working and I thought it would make for a perfect topic for my blog today. After all, I did eventually want to address this topic, so why not a better day than today? 

Because writing has become my outlet, I almost feel like a whole new person. The feelings, emotions, the mentality all kept at bay while I look at myself everyday in the mirror and think “wow, who is that anymore? I’m all grown up and have learned to find healthy ways of coping by also pursuing my dreams at the same time”. Who knew that my dream career path would turn out to be my healthy outlet? Life does work in funny ways. 

Some of this is hard to explain, and I’m sure in the future I will revisit this topic again once I’ve found more of the right words to explain it. I actually just figured all this out so it is still new to me having this good outlet, and good feeling about myself. Life is good. My life is good, and I’ve never been happier than I am right now. I’ve never felt as good as I do now sitting here writing this blog. It is safe to say that writing is my sanctuary. Always will be. I will never stop writing. Even if it is just for myself. 

Writing is my form of healing from within. Writing is my Psychiatrist.